The Man in the Pew

I am the man in the pew.

We look at each other and smile as we sing loudly - not necessarily well, but loud - and listen intently to the pastor's sermon.

My kids smile and steal the hearts of the nursery workers.

And I struggle with porn.

The Statistics:

"Every second-$3,075.64 is being spent on pornography.
Every second - 28,258 Internet users are viewing pornography.
Every second - 372 Internet users are typing adult search terms into search engines.
Every 39 minutes: a new pornographic video is being created in the United States."
[Family Safe Media

41 percent of surveyed adults admitted they felt less attractive due to their partner's pornography use.
and
30 percent of surveyed adults said their partner's use of pornography made them feel more like a sexual object.
and
42 percent of surveyed adults indicated that their partner's use of pornography made them feel insecure.
Marriage Related Research, Mark A. Yarhouse, Psy.D. Christian Counseling Today, 2004 Vol. 12 No. 1.

...And here comes the shocking news...
For every 10 men in church, 5 are struggling with pornography
The Call to Biblical Manhood. Man in the Mirror, 6 July 2004

{These statistics, including the sources, I copied from www.blazinggrace.org/cms/bg/pornstats}


So, what does this all mean?

Here's the skinny: Porn is a problem in our churches!!!

No one wants to think of the man next to them with a beautiful wife and three teenagers, or the newlyweds or the elderly man who's been married for 30 years, as having a sexual addiction, but the harsh reality is that most of them probably do!

In fact, over 50% of pastors claim that Internet pornography is a possible temptation and 37% say that they are currently struggling with it. (Christianity Today, Leadership Survey, 12/2001) {FROM www.safefamilies.org/sfStats.php}

Well, it just so happens, that I am one of those men!

Yes, I have had an issue with pornography for the last eight years or so (I'm not exactly sure of my age when I first encountered pornography).

Since then, I have married and had two beautiful children. And the problem persists!

 I was told that it was normal and that I should just memorize verses to protect my mind when I was tempted.

I couldn't find help anywhere.
Needless to say, I felt alone and lost. So what did I do? I turned back to pornography.

Here's my last statistic: 57% of pastors say that addiction to pornography is the most sexually damaging issue to their congregation (Christians and Sex Leadership Journal Survey, March 2005 {FROM www.safefamilies.org/sfStats.php}

So, this is the question I have to ask myself, because I just don't understand it:

If it's such a major and widespread problem, why doesn't anyone do something about it?

For a man - or anyone for that matter, because there are women who have this problem as well - to approach anyone else and admit their problem and ask for help is--to be perfectly honest--HUMILIATING!!!

Men are creatures of pride and selfishness. For a man to lay aside that pride and selfishness and to ask for help takes a great deal of effort. But when they are summarily rejected, told "Don't worry about it, it's normal." and to then be shunned or worse, treated as if nothing is wrong, is shameful.

Why won't more pastor's approach this subject?

If half of the men - including pastors - in churches are addicted to pornography, why can't they at least get together and talk about the problems they are having? Maybe get some encouragement?

We are soldiers.

If we are all fighting the same battle, then why are we fighting it alone?

- The Man in the Pew