Matthew 26:41 KJV
41) Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.
Now, I know what you're probably thinking...This is Jesus talking to Peter, James and John, while He was praying in the Garden of Gethsemane.
But there is a very important lesson here.
"Watch..." This word literally means to "keep awake". As Christians in this world, we are too often lulled to sleep by the haunting lullaby of Satan's empty promises. As Christian Men, we are bombarded with sexual images and conversation, until we become insensitive, or "used to it". We need to stay on our guard.
My wife and I have made a commitment to honor God with what we watch in movies--we don't even bother with TV. We recently decided to go through our movies again, and found that we had slowly degraded and we had begun to accept things that we had said we would not. Needless to say, we got rid of them and "pruned" our movie collection.
"...and pray..." Pray to God! Talk to Him. He is our Best Friend, closer than a Brother, He is our Husband and Father. He takes care of us and provides for us and shelters us from evil and hurtful things. Ask for His help: that's the ONLY way anyone will ever overcome an addiction.
"...that ye fall not into temptation..." I had to read this a couple of times before I really understood it. If we Watch--or guard ourselves--and if we pray--talk to God and ask for His help--then we can avoid temptation.
Once you're being tempted, it becomes almost impossible to say no. If you can avoid being tempted, then you don't have to have the "battle" that every addict knows when the urge to commit their specific act of addiction comes upon them. It is best if you can avoid it all together. Now, this does not mean to live like an Amish person, with no electricity, or no source of connection to the world. It simply means to think.
TV today is aptly named the "boob tube". Almost everything on Television is sexual in nature. My wife and I have agreed that it is foolish to place such a sexual and evil thing in our household, when the amount of good that comes from it is far outweighed by the bad things that come from it.
Put up defensive hedges.
Watch.
Pray.
That is the recipe for success to avoid temptation altogether.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
My Eye Patch
Genesis 20:16 KJV
16) And unto Sarah he said, Behold, I have given thy brother a thousand pieces of silver: behold, he is to thee a covering of the eyes, unto all that are with thee, and with all other: thus she was reproved.
Here is the end of the story of Abraham and Sarah traveling to a foreign land called Gerar. Abraham, worried that the king, Abimilech, would kill him to take Sarah, told Sarah to say that she was his sister. Abimilech then tries to woo her and he is warned by God in a dream that he is "a dead man", literally!!!
Abimilech then reproves both Abraham and Sarah, and says to Sarah that Abraham is to her a "covering of the eyes".
This means that Abraham is the only person that Sarah should desire to look upon or to desire to be looked upon by, and vice versa.
Abraham is to be Sarah's "Eye-Patch", limiting the view of her eyes to him alone.
We are God' bride, and when we turn to pornography, or other forms of sexual addiction, to provide the things that God provides through a wife, we are cheating on God. If you don't have a wife yet, you are cheating God and her out of a fully committed husband who desires only her.
Look at it this way, guys--or gals, because some women do struggle with this--how would you feel if your significant other was wanting every other guy/girl to look at and lust after them? Or if they were lusting after every guy/girl that they saw? You'd be jealous, right?
I can hear some of you saying right now though, "I'm not married, and I've been looking at porn, so I've already ruined my relationship with God and my future wife. Why stop?"
Other than the obvious fact that it's wrong, and will eventually lead you into a darker path, consider the following verse.
Romans 6:1-2 KJV
1) What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound?
2) God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?
Should we continue in sin, just because God will forgive us? NO!!!
We ought to be fighting for Victory in our lives. Clawing and scratching if we must.
Take a look at when you fail. Examine what happened right before you failed.
Could it have been prevented?
Then CHANGE IT!!!!
( See post entitled "Hedges" )
I have a friend who, although I have tried to help him several times, seems to not put any hedges or change his lifestyle at all. He has admitted that the only time he ever gets on the internet is at work, but he hasn't quit or asked for a different job. He watches TV, and that's just asking to be stimulated, because even the commercials are sexual or sensual in nature. It seems that at least a part of him, if he was honest with himself, still desperately wants to look at pornography. He'll never beat it until the part of him that doesn't gets a handle on the part of him that does.
Protect YOURSELF!!!
I KNOW IT'S HARD!! I'VE BEEN THERE! But you know what? You CAN beat this!!
Make yourself an eyepatch!
Do WHATEVER IT TAKES!!!
QUIT YOUR JOB! TRUST GOD THAT IT'S THE RIGHT THING AND PRAY THAT HE'LL PROVIDE YOU WITH A JOB THAT YOU CAN'T LOOK AT PORN AT!
GOD WILL HELP YOU!!!
16) And unto Sarah he said, Behold, I have given thy brother a thousand pieces of silver: behold, he is to thee a covering of the eyes, unto all that are with thee, and with all other: thus she was reproved.
Here is the end of the story of Abraham and Sarah traveling to a foreign land called Gerar. Abraham, worried that the king, Abimilech, would kill him to take Sarah, told Sarah to say that she was his sister. Abimilech then tries to woo her and he is warned by God in a dream that he is "a dead man", literally!!!
Abimilech then reproves both Abraham and Sarah, and says to Sarah that Abraham is to her a "covering of the eyes".
This means that Abraham is the only person that Sarah should desire to look upon or to desire to be looked upon by, and vice versa.
Abraham is to be Sarah's "Eye-Patch", limiting the view of her eyes to him alone.
We are God' bride, and when we turn to pornography, or other forms of sexual addiction, to provide the things that God provides through a wife, we are cheating on God. If you don't have a wife yet, you are cheating God and her out of a fully committed husband who desires only her.
Look at it this way, guys--or gals, because some women do struggle with this--how would you feel if your significant other was wanting every other guy/girl to look at and lust after them? Or if they were lusting after every guy/girl that they saw? You'd be jealous, right?
I can hear some of you saying right now though, "I'm not married, and I've been looking at porn, so I've already ruined my relationship with God and my future wife. Why stop?"
Other than the obvious fact that it's wrong, and will eventually lead you into a darker path, consider the following verse.
Romans 6:1-2 KJV
1) What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound?
2) God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?
Should we continue in sin, just because God will forgive us? NO!!!
We ought to be fighting for Victory in our lives. Clawing and scratching if we must.
Take a look at when you fail. Examine what happened right before you failed.
Could it have been prevented?
Then CHANGE IT!!!!
( See post entitled "Hedges" )
I have a friend who, although I have tried to help him several times, seems to not put any hedges or change his lifestyle at all. He has admitted that the only time he ever gets on the internet is at work, but he hasn't quit or asked for a different job. He watches TV, and that's just asking to be stimulated, because even the commercials are sexual or sensual in nature. It seems that at least a part of him, if he was honest with himself, still desperately wants to look at pornography. He'll never beat it until the part of him that doesn't gets a handle on the part of him that does.
Protect YOURSELF!!!
I KNOW IT'S HARD!! I'VE BEEN THERE! But you know what? You CAN beat this!!
Make yourself an eyepatch!
Do WHATEVER IT TAKES!!!
QUIT YOUR JOB! TRUST GOD THAT IT'S THE RIGHT THING AND PRAY THAT HE'LL PROVIDE YOU WITH A JOB THAT YOU CAN'T LOOK AT PORN AT!
GOD WILL HELP YOU!!!
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Pick One
(1Ki 18:21 KJV) And Elijah came unto all the people, and said, How long halt ye between two opinions? if the LORD be God, follow him: but if Baal, then follow him. And the people answered him not a word.
Today, too many Christians are frozen by indecision. We want both: a ticket to Heaven and the pleasure of fulfilling our own fleshly desires. Satan has convinced usto compromise ourvalues little by little, until Christians are indistiguishable from the Lost.
For example, according to an article published by Barna Group, 38 % of Christians believe that viewing pornography is morally acceptable, along with homosexuality (30%) and sexual relations with someone other than their spouse (42%).
We CANNOT profess to be God-fearing, Bible-believing Christians if we refuse to accept what the Bible and God have to say about such important issues!
With statistics like this, we still wonder why our country is going to Hell in a handbasket. A nation is made up of families, and families are made up of individuals, and apparently, those individuals can't seem to make up their mind about what they want.
Another survey by Barna Group said that four out of ten homosexuals claimed to be a christian, while 27% would qualify as a "Born-Again Christian".
Before we judge them too harshly however, let's look at another statistic.
4 out of 10 pastors looked at porn, today (As quoted by XXXChurch.)
The same percentage of "christian" homosexuals is the same percentage of pastors currently in bondage to pornography.
Clearly, we have a problem.
Jesus said it best.
(Mat 6:24 KJV) No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.
Now, yes, He is talking about money, but the concept can be applied to every aspect of our lives.
We CANNOT serve two masters, whether that master is Deviant Sexual Behavior (including, but not limited to the viewing of pornography, exhibitionism, voyeurism, homosexuality, and adultery), or Alchohol, or Drugs, or Money, or maybe even Television.
(Jas 1:8 KJV) A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.
(Rev 3:15 KJV) I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot.
(Rev 3:16 KJV) So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.
It is time, my friends, my fellow brothers and sisters. Whether you are in bondage to pornography, alchohol, drugs, or homosexuality, it is time to Choose!
(Joshua 24:15 KJV) ...Choose you this day whom ye will serve...but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.
Today, too many Christians are frozen by indecision. We want both: a ticket to Heaven and the pleasure of fulfilling our own fleshly desires. Satan has convinced usto compromise ourvalues little by little, until Christians are indistiguishable from the Lost.
For example, according to an article published by Barna Group, 38 % of Christians believe that viewing pornography is morally acceptable, along with homosexuality (30%) and sexual relations with someone other than their spouse (42%).
We CANNOT profess to be God-fearing, Bible-believing Christians if we refuse to accept what the Bible and God have to say about such important issues!
With statistics like this, we still wonder why our country is going to Hell in a handbasket. A nation is made up of families, and families are made up of individuals, and apparently, those individuals can't seem to make up their mind about what they want.
Another survey by Barna Group said that four out of ten homosexuals claimed to be a christian, while 27% would qualify as a "Born-Again Christian".
Before we judge them too harshly however, let's look at another statistic.
4 out of 10 pastors looked at porn, today (As quoted by XXXChurch.)
The same percentage of "christian" homosexuals is the same percentage of pastors currently in bondage to pornography.
Clearly, we have a problem.
Jesus said it best.
(Mat 6:24 KJV) No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.
Now, yes, He is talking about money, but the concept can be applied to every aspect of our lives.
We CANNOT serve two masters, whether that master is Deviant Sexual Behavior (including, but not limited to the viewing of pornography, exhibitionism, voyeurism, homosexuality, and adultery), or Alchohol, or Drugs, or Money, or maybe even Television.
(Jas 1:8 KJV) A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.
(Rev 3:15 KJV) I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot.
(Rev 3:16 KJV) So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.
It is time, my friends, my fellow brothers and sisters. Whether you are in bondage to pornography, alchohol, drugs, or homosexuality, it is time to Choose!
(Joshua 24:15 KJV) ...Choose you this day whom ye will serve...but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Pornography and the Bible - Part Two
Conquering Lust and Sexual Addiction
In the last post, I covered what the Bible said about Lust. To sum it all up, it is wrong and it is destructive.
No suprises there.
But in this lesson is where the real debate exists.
In my own [continued] recovery from an addiction to pornography, I have heard from more than one source that it is impossible to beat, based on the verse from 2 Timothy 2:22 which states: "Flee also youthful lusts..."
However, I believe that the Bible says we can conquer lust and sexual addiction, based on the following verses (emphasis mine):
Proverbs 6:25 - "Lust not after her beauty..."
1 Corinthians 10:6 - "Now these things were our examples, to the intent we should not lust after evil things..."
Galatians 5:16 - "This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh."
Titus 2:12 - "Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righeously, and godly, in this present world."
Jude 24 - "Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy."
I Corinthians 10:13b - "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it."
1 Peter 1:14 - "As obedient children, not fashioning yourselves according to the former lusts in your ignorance:"
1 Peter 2:11 - "Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul,"
1 Peter 4:1-3 - "1. Forasmuch then as Christ hath suffered fo us in the flesh, arm youselves likewise with the same mind: for he that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin;
2. That he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh to the lusts of men, but to the will of God.
3. For the time past our life may suffice us to have wrought the will of the Gentiles, when we walked in lasciviousness, lusts, escess of wine, revellings, banquetings, and abominable idolatries:"
1 Thessalonians 4:3 - "For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication."
2 Peter 1:4 - "Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust."
Romans 6:12-13 - "12. Let not sin therefore reign in your motral body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof.
13. Neither yield ye your members as insturments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselbes unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God."
Romans 13:14 - "But put ye on the Lord Jesus Chris, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof."
Galatians 5:24 - "And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts."
So, it is clearly obvious by these texts that it IS possible to beat lust.
But how?
I would love to fill the rest of this post with miracle cure-alls you can take or do to conquer lust.
The only way is to just say "NO".
There are things that can help, however.
Ther first is to build a relationship with Christ. For more information either contact me or see the page to your left entitled, "How to know God".
The second is to join a church and attend every time the doors are open. If you need help in this area, feel free to contact me. I have several contacts who could easily help.
The third is to see a counselor/therapist. I know it's a little weird-I was downright resistant to the idea at first-but if it'll help, don't you think it's worth it?
The fourth is to set up hedges, or boundaries to protect you as best you can from possibly compromising situations. See Hedges for suggestions and a book that might help. While the author is one that suggests that lust is unbeatable, this book is extremely helpful Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It
.
Those are the only ways to beat lust.
This is a battle that you and I will wage for the rest of our lives, but each skirmish will become easier as we become battle-hardened and seasoned. We are simply to inexperienced to have the strength to say "NO" sometimes.
That's where a relationship with God is necessary. It is nearly impossible to do without Him.
I would love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to post a comment!
97BT86PK7HJX
In the last post, I covered what the Bible said about Lust. To sum it all up, it is wrong and it is destructive.
No suprises there.
But in this lesson is where the real debate exists.
In my own [continued] recovery from an addiction to pornography, I have heard from more than one source that it is impossible to beat, based on the verse from 2 Timothy 2:22 which states: "Flee also youthful lusts..."
However, I believe that the Bible says we can conquer lust and sexual addiction, based on the following verses (emphasis mine):
Proverbs 6:25 - "Lust not after her beauty..."
1 Corinthians 10:6 - "Now these things were our examples, to the intent we should not lust after evil things..."
Galatians 5:16 - "This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh."
Titus 2:12 - "Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righeously, and godly, in this present world."
Jude 24 - "Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy."
I Corinthians 10:13b - "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it."
1 Peter 1:14 - "As obedient children, not fashioning yourselves according to the former lusts in your ignorance:"
1 Peter 2:11 - "Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul,"
1 Peter 4:1-3 - "1. Forasmuch then as Christ hath suffered fo us in the flesh, arm youselves likewise with the same mind: for he that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin;
2. That he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh to the lusts of men, but to the will of God.
3. For the time past our life may suffice us to have wrought the will of the Gentiles, when we walked in lasciviousness, lusts, escess of wine, revellings, banquetings, and abominable idolatries:"
1 Thessalonians 4:3 - "For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication."
2 Peter 1:4 - "Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust."
Romans 6:12-13 - "12. Let not sin therefore reign in your motral body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof.
13. Neither yield ye your members as insturments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselbes unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God."
Romans 13:14 - "But put ye on the Lord Jesus Chris, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof."
Galatians 5:24 - "And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts."
So, it is clearly obvious by these texts that it IS possible to beat lust.
But how?
I would love to fill the rest of this post with miracle cure-alls you can take or do to conquer lust.
The only way is to just say "NO".
There are things that can help, however.
Ther first is to build a relationship with Christ. For more information either contact me or see the page to your left entitled, "How to know God".
The second is to join a church and attend every time the doors are open. If you need help in this area, feel free to contact me. I have several contacts who could easily help.
The third is to see a counselor/therapist. I know it's a little weird-I was downright resistant to the idea at first-but if it'll help, don't you think it's worth it?
The fourth is to set up hedges, or boundaries to protect you as best you can from possibly compromising situations. See Hedges for suggestions and a book that might help. While the author is one that suggests that lust is unbeatable, this book is extremely helpful Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It
.Those are the only ways to beat lust.
This is a battle that you and I will wage for the rest of our lives, but each skirmish will become easier as we become battle-hardened and seasoned. We are simply to inexperienced to have the strength to say "NO" sometimes.
That's where a relationship with God is necessary. It is nearly impossible to do without Him.
I would love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to post a comment!
97BT86PK7HJX
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Pornography and the Bible - Part One
I have heard rumors recently that it is impossible to beat Lust. That we should just "Flee...youthful lusts" 2 Timothy 2:22. This was both very disturbing and very discouraging to me.
So, I set out to find out just for myself what exactly the Bible said about Pornography, sexual addiction and just lust in general.
This post is Part 1 of a Two part series.
Pornography is....
1. A Corporation
In the United States alone, porngoraphy is a $10 million business.
Pornography, by definition, is any material-video, pictures, literature, TV ads, TV shows, etc.-that is designed to and intended to arouse and excite.
And, in case you have somehow not noticed, it is EVERYWHERE.
It's in the lines at the grocery store. it's at the movie store-hidden in PG movies, even-and on the television scree. It's in our music.
Pornography has invaded every culture, every race, eery country, every gender in every corner in the world.
It has even invaded the church.
Every man on the face of this planet struggles with lust.
James 1:14 "But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed."
1 Corinthians 10:13a "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man:..."
Ecclesiastes 1:9b "...there is no new thing under the sun."
2. A Counterfeit
The images and scenes contained in pornography-while mistaken for "true love"- are a mere black-and-white copy of the love of Christ.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
"4. Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5. Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6. Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7. Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
8. Charity never faileth..."
The "love" portrayed in pornography is simply lust. It is a selfish love that satisfies for only a brief moment.
James 4:2a "Ye lust and have not..."
The best example of true love is Christ.
He sacrificed His life for us, even when we constantly rejected Him and hated Him.
For more information about this, see the page to the left entitled, "How to Know God."
3. Corrosive
For all the men and women who act in pornographic movies--and that's exactly what they are doing. Go to www.blazinggrace.org/cms/bg/truthbehindfantasyporn for a former porn actress' testimony.
Pornography corrodes and just completely destroys what little self-worth and self-respect they had in the first place.
For those who view pornography, it corrodes EVERY meaningful relationship in your life. Whether it's God, your spouse, your kids, family or friends, EVERY relationship suffers.
And, in general, Pornography just degrades all women. Through even just advertising today, women are portrayed as nothing more than sex objects, here only for a man's pleasure.
Women are SO much more than that.
They are the most beautiful, graceful, intelligent, emotional and just completely complex creatures that God EVER created.
James 1:15 "Then when lust hat conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death."
James 4:5 "Do ye think that the scripture saith in vain, The spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy?"
4. Coveteousness
Probably one of the main reasons that pornography is so destructive to relationships is that, essentially, it is lust and lust is wanting somthing- whether you have a right to it or not- and taking it. It is rape of the worst kind.
When you watch pornography, youare essentially raping the women and/or men that you watch. By viewing them, you are takeing something from them that only their spouses have a right to.
And, in return, you are giving them something that only your spouse has a right to.
By the way, for those of you who aren't married and are looking at and/or addicted to pornography, you are destroying a marriage that hasn't even had a chance yet. You are destroying a family that hasn't come into existence. Dooming your future wife, kids, and even grandkids to a life of pain and hurt. The problem will NOT go away when you say, "I do".
By looking at pornography, you are raising your expectations for your first sexual experience to something a real woman could never meet-and shouldn't have to. Pornography is simply a fantasy experience, not something that would ever happen. That's why it's an addiction. You just need more and more to achieve the same state of arousal.
James 4:2 "Ye lust, and have not..."
Romans 7:7b "for I had not known lust, except the law had said, Thou shalt not covet."
5. A Chasm
Every man or woman who has ever been addicted to ANYthing can attest to the fact that they never WANTED to become and addict. It all began with one beer, one cigarette, on joint, one line of Coke.
Or One Look.
But that's all it takes.
Lust is NEVER satisfied.
I know I've already used the verse, but it bears repeating.
James 4:2 "Ye lust, and have not..."
Or, listen to this "Spiral of Degradation" [ See At At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry
Chapter Two ] in Romans 1:21-28
"21. Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.
22.Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools.
23. And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things.
24. Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves.
25. Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.
26. For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:
27. And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.
28. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knoledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient.
29. Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, coveteousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,
30. Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things disobedient to parents,
31. Without understanding, covenant-breakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:"
In At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry, the author, Steve Gallagher, mentions a 7-Step Spiral of Degradation.
1. Failure to Glorify God (vs 21 "Because that when they knew God, they glorified him not as God,"
2.Loss of a Grateful Spirit (vs 21 "neither were thankful;")
3.The Darkening Heart (vs 21 "but became vain in thier imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.")
I would like to point out that this step began in their mind. In their vain imaginations. A Sexual Addiction ALWAYS begins in the mind. Thinking about looking or doing something that you know you shouldn't. The allure of the forbidden.
4.Suppression of Truth (vs 22 "Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools,"
5.Tightening of the Chain (vs 24 "Where fore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves."
6.Given Over (vs. 26 "For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections")
I believe that this is the saddest verse in the entire Bible. After trying so hard to help them and after being rejected for so long, God let them have what they wanted. He took his hand of protection off of them.
KEEP IN MIND!!! - This does NOT mean that he stopped loving them. He simply stopped fighting them.
7.Filled With All Unrighteousness (vs 29-30 "Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, coveteousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,
30. Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things disobedient to parents,
31. Without understanding, covenant-breakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:"
What started with a failure to Glorify God eventually turned into an entire city turning into the worst sort of sinners imaginable. Sexual addiction is a "slippery slope". It is a black hole that sucks you in and steals everything from you.
For me, it started with something as "soft-core" as the underwear and swimsuit section of the JCPenney catalogue. Over a period of about six years, the addiction took root and grew to hard-core lesbian pornography.
Where do you draw the line? Where do you say, "Well, this level is ok, but I just won't look at the triple-x site"? If you find yourself saying something like this, this blog is just for you.
Pornography is hell on earth.
Literally.
It is a bottomless pit.
6. Confining
Mark 4:19 "And the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the lusts of other things entering in, choke the word, and it becometh unfruitful."
As I said before, pornography takes you from every meaningful relationship in your life. It is impossible to be close to anyone when you are spending so much effort and energy into something that doesn't exist. When viewing something as emotionless as porn in which people are just objects designed to fulfill pleasure, it doesn't take too long before you begin to--even subconsciously--believe the same thing.
Relationships take a lot of time, effort, energy, effort, patience, and effort.
When seeing how "easy" it is for a relationship to be begun, built, and consumated on TV and Pornography, it is small wonder tha people think that relationships require no effort or emotion.
"Following your heart" seems to be the theme in most media today, when in reality the real theme is "Following your libido".
Emotions are fickle. They change almost constantly, so how can you base your actions on an ever-changing substance?
You can't.
The only thing we can base our actions on is a NEVER-changing substance, The Rock, Jesus Christ, My personal Savior.
Proverbs 28:1 "The wicked flee when no one is pursuing, but the righteous are as bold as a lion,"
7. Condemned
Matthew 5:27-28 "27. Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thous shalt not commit adultery:
28. But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hat committed adultery with her already in his heart."
Jesus said that whoever lusts after a woman (i.e. views pornography) has committed adulter. In the Bible, this was a crime punishable by death by stoning.
But Jesus has offered us hope...
Coming Soon - Pornography and the Bible - Part Two
So, I set out to find out just for myself what exactly the Bible said about Pornography, sexual addiction and just lust in general.
This post is Part 1 of a Two part series.
Pornography is....
1. A Corporation
In the United States alone, porngoraphy is a $10 million business.
Pornography, by definition, is any material-video, pictures, literature, TV ads, TV shows, etc.-that is designed to and intended to arouse and excite.
And, in case you have somehow not noticed, it is EVERYWHERE.
It's in the lines at the grocery store. it's at the movie store-hidden in PG movies, even-and on the television scree. It's in our music.
Pornography has invaded every culture, every race, eery country, every gender in every corner in the world.
It has even invaded the church.
Every man on the face of this planet struggles with lust.
James 1:14 "But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed."
1 Corinthians 10:13a "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man:..."
Ecclesiastes 1:9b "...there is no new thing under the sun."
2. A Counterfeit
The images and scenes contained in pornography-while mistaken for "true love"- are a mere black-and-white copy of the love of Christ.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
"4. Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5. Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6. Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7. Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
8. Charity never faileth..."
The "love" portrayed in pornography is simply lust. It is a selfish love that satisfies for only a brief moment.
James 4:2a "Ye lust and have not..."
The best example of true love is Christ.
He sacrificed His life for us, even when we constantly rejected Him and hated Him.
For more information about this, see the page to the left entitled, "How to Know God."
3. Corrosive
For all the men and women who act in pornographic movies--and that's exactly what they are doing. Go to www.blazinggrace.org/cms/bg/truthbehindfantasyporn for a former porn actress' testimony.
Pornography corrodes and just completely destroys what little self-worth and self-respect they had in the first place.
For those who view pornography, it corrodes EVERY meaningful relationship in your life. Whether it's God, your spouse, your kids, family or friends, EVERY relationship suffers.
And, in general, Pornography just degrades all women. Through even just advertising today, women are portrayed as nothing more than sex objects, here only for a man's pleasure.
Women are SO much more than that.
They are the most beautiful, graceful, intelligent, emotional and just completely complex creatures that God EVER created.
James 1:15 "Then when lust hat conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death."
James 4:5 "Do ye think that the scripture saith in vain, The spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy?"
4. Coveteousness
Probably one of the main reasons that pornography is so destructive to relationships is that, essentially, it is lust and lust is wanting somthing- whether you have a right to it or not- and taking it. It is rape of the worst kind.
When you watch pornography, youare essentially raping the women and/or men that you watch. By viewing them, you are takeing something from them that only their spouses have a right to.
And, in return, you are giving them something that only your spouse has a right to.
By the way, for those of you who aren't married and are looking at and/or addicted to pornography, you are destroying a marriage that hasn't even had a chance yet. You are destroying a family that hasn't come into existence. Dooming your future wife, kids, and even grandkids to a life of pain and hurt. The problem will NOT go away when you say, "I do".
By looking at pornography, you are raising your expectations for your first sexual experience to something a real woman could never meet-and shouldn't have to. Pornography is simply a fantasy experience, not something that would ever happen. That's why it's an addiction. You just need more and more to achieve the same state of arousal.
James 4:2 "Ye lust, and have not..."
Romans 7:7b "for I had not known lust, except the law had said, Thou shalt not covet."
5. A Chasm
Every man or woman who has ever been addicted to ANYthing can attest to the fact that they never WANTED to become and addict. It all began with one beer, one cigarette, on joint, one line of Coke.
Or One Look.
But that's all it takes.
Lust is NEVER satisfied.
I know I've already used the verse, but it bears repeating.
James 4:2 "Ye lust, and have not..."
Or, listen to this "Spiral of Degradation" [ See At At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry
Chapter Two ] in Romans 1:21-28"21. Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.
22.Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools.
23. And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things.
24. Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves.
25. Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.
26. For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:
27. And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.
28. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knoledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient.
29. Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, coveteousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,
30. Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things disobedient to parents,
31. Without understanding, covenant-breakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:"
In At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry
, the author, Steve Gallagher, mentions a 7-Step Spiral of Degradation.1. Failure to Glorify God (vs 21 "Because that when they knew God, they glorified him not as God,"
2.Loss of a Grateful Spirit (vs 21 "neither were thankful;")
3.The Darkening Heart (vs 21 "but became vain in thier imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.")
I would like to point out that this step began in their mind. In their vain imaginations. A Sexual Addiction ALWAYS begins in the mind. Thinking about looking or doing something that you know you shouldn't. The allure of the forbidden.
4.Suppression of Truth (vs 22 "Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools,"
5.Tightening of the Chain (vs 24 "Where fore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves."
6.Given Over (vs. 26 "For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections")
I believe that this is the saddest verse in the entire Bible. After trying so hard to help them and after being rejected for so long, God let them have what they wanted. He took his hand of protection off of them.
KEEP IN MIND!!! - This does NOT mean that he stopped loving them. He simply stopped fighting them.
7.Filled With All Unrighteousness (vs 29-30 "Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, coveteousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,
30. Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things disobedient to parents,
31. Without understanding, covenant-breakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:"
What started with a failure to Glorify God eventually turned into an entire city turning into the worst sort of sinners imaginable. Sexual addiction is a "slippery slope". It is a black hole that sucks you in and steals everything from you.
For me, it started with something as "soft-core" as the underwear and swimsuit section of the JCPenney catalogue. Over a period of about six years, the addiction took root and grew to hard-core lesbian pornography.
Where do you draw the line? Where do you say, "Well, this level is ok, but I just won't look at the triple-x site"? If you find yourself saying something like this, this blog is just for you.
Pornography is hell on earth.
Literally.
It is a bottomless pit.
6. Confining
Mark 4:19 "And the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the lusts of other things entering in, choke the word, and it becometh unfruitful."
As I said before, pornography takes you from every meaningful relationship in your life. It is impossible to be close to anyone when you are spending so much effort and energy into something that doesn't exist. When viewing something as emotionless as porn in which people are just objects designed to fulfill pleasure, it doesn't take too long before you begin to--even subconsciously--believe the same thing.
Relationships take a lot of time, effort, energy, effort, patience, and effort.
When seeing how "easy" it is for a relationship to be begun, built, and consumated on TV and Pornography, it is small wonder tha people think that relationships require no effort or emotion.
"Following your heart" seems to be the theme in most media today, when in reality the real theme is "Following your libido".
Emotions are fickle. They change almost constantly, so how can you base your actions on an ever-changing substance?
You can't.
The only thing we can base our actions on is a NEVER-changing substance, The Rock, Jesus Christ, My personal Savior.
Proverbs 28:1 "The wicked flee when no one is pursuing, but the righteous are as bold as a lion,"
7. Condemned
Matthew 5:27-28 "27. Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thous shalt not commit adultery:
28. But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hat committed adultery with her already in his heart."
Jesus said that whoever lusts after a woman (i.e. views pornography) has committed adulter. In the Bible, this was a crime punishable by death by stoning.
But Jesus has offered us hope...
Coming Soon - Pornography and the Bible - Part Two
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Hedges
In his book, Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It, Jerry B. Jenkins lists 6 "hedges" or walls of protection to protect a marriage from infidelity.
Now, just to be clear, I believe that these apply to everyone, single, married, or divorced, and that they also apply to a sexual addiction/pornography.
The first four are purely defensive, while the last two are offensive.
1. Two's Company, Three's Security
Basically, anytime that you are required to be with a woman who is not your wife or a close relative, make sure and bring someone else along. And if unforeseeable circumstances make this impossible, let your spouse know.
I believe this also applies to pornography and/or sexual addiction. I know in my own life, I struggle with internet pornography.
So when I have to use the internet, for whatever reason, I make sure that someone else is in the room with me. I DO NOT get on the internet without my wife's knowledge. In fact, we have it set up to where I can't even get on the computer without her first typing in the password.
While this may be a bit of a nuisance, it is necessary and useful. She doesn't have to worry when she's gone at work (p.s. I'm a stay-at-home dad) and I know that I can't access it, so it helps me to control my urges.
3. Some Compliments Don't Pay
Never a compliment a woman herself--instead-if necessary-compliment her hair or clothes.
I.e. Don't say, "You look good in that sweater", instead, "I like your sweater."
This follows closely with #2. When I see a woman, whether it is walking down the street or on the computer screen or in an advertisement, I try to avoid thoughts about how attractive she is. That is a dangerous, slippery slope.
Some people think that is possible to admire an attractive woman without lusting after her, and perhaps it is. All I know is that for me, at my current spiritual level, it is impossible. So therefore, at this stage in my life, I try to just avoid looking.
4. Looking Down the Barrel of a Loaded Gun
Avoid flirtation or suggestive conversation, even in a joking manner.
I have a tendency to flirt with women, and I don't even realize I'm doing it.
I am a naturally gregarious person.
However, my wife has pointed out to me on several occassions what seemed like innocent conversation to me, but what to a woman is perceived as flirting. Sometimes, even just an innocent joke can be perceived as flirtatious. She smiles at you, and you smile back, pleased that you have once again proven your wit and charm.
The problem is, it's not completely innocent.
Considering the fact that at the time I was sturggling with pornography and inappropriate thoughts (more so than I am now) I would have to say that, subconciously, it probably wasn't innocent. I was deceiving myself.
Now we get into the Offensive Hedges
5. Remind yourself and your spouse of your wedding vows constantly.
If you are not married, remind yourself that one day you will be. A sexual addiction/pornographic addiction will NOT end on the day you say your wedding vow. In fact, it will probably increase in ferocity because you are setting yourself up for a fantasy experience, not a real-life sexual experience. Your new bride, while trying very hard to and wanting desperately to, will NOT be able to stand up to the appetite that you have created for yourself.
But just tell your wife constantly that you love her and that you promise once more to be faithful to her "for as long as you both shall live".
Or write little notes that have your vows on them.
Just remind her that you haven't forgotten your vows. In doing this, you will also be constantly reminding yourself of your vows as well.
6. Quality Time Vs. Quantity Time
Spend as much time as possible with your children. This doesn't sound like a Marital Hedge, but in fact, in doing so, you will let your wife have a few hours off and you will be there for your kids whenever something important happens in their lives.
For example, Jerry B. Jenkins had a rule that from the time he got home from work to the time his kids went to bed, he didn't do any writing or office work. As a result, he was there when each of his boy's received Christ as their Savior.
Also, this will provide you with time for you and your wife to date, an essential that is recommended in practically EVERY marriage book, secular and religious.
Obviously there are more hedges that you could plant, different ones, or maybe even less. I found these helpful and plan to put them into effect yesterday.
Whatever hedges you need, do whatever is necessary to build them and protect not only you, but your family (or future family if you are not currently married) as well.
Jesus said it best in Matthew 5: 29-30
"29. And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
30. And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of ty memebers should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell."
, Jerry B. Jenkins lists 6 "hedges" or walls of protection to protect a marriage from infidelity.Now, just to be clear, I believe that these apply to everyone, single, married, or divorced, and that they also apply to a sexual addiction/pornography.
The first four are purely defensive, while the last two are offensive.
1. Two's Company, Three's Security
Basically, anytime that you are required to be with a woman who is not your wife or a close relative, make sure and bring someone else along. And if unforeseeable circumstances make this impossible, let your spouse know.
I believe this also applies to pornography and/or sexual addiction. I know in my own life, I struggle with internet pornography.
So when I have to use the internet, for whatever reason, I make sure that someone else is in the room with me. I DO NOT get on the internet without my wife's knowledge. In fact, we have it set up to where I can't even get on the computer without her first typing in the password.
While this may be a bit of a nuisance, it is necessary and useful. She doesn't have to worry when she's gone at work (p.s. I'm a stay-at-home dad) and I know that I can't access it, so it helps me to control my urges.
2. Touchy, touchy
While a handshake, or a brief touch on the arm while speaking to a member of the opposite sex, embrace only dear friends and/or relatives.
For me, this means not even touching things that might provoke lustful thoughts and desires. Staying away from the movie rack or the magazine racks, or keeping my head down when an attractive, scantily clad woman walks by.
Anytime I see a woman who might get my attention, and I'm out with my wife, I immediately grab her hand and tell her I love her, or just strike up a conversation with her.
If I am by myself, I look away and start singing a song to myself, to prevent thougths from encroaching into my mind.
Never a compliment a woman herself--instead-if necessary-compliment her hair or clothes.
I.e. Don't say, "You look good in that sweater", instead, "I like your sweater."
This follows closely with #2. When I see a woman, whether it is walking down the street or on the computer screen or in an advertisement, I try to avoid thoughts about how attractive she is. That is a dangerous, slippery slope.
Some people think that is possible to admire an attractive woman without lusting after her, and perhaps it is. All I know is that for me, at my current spiritual level, it is impossible. So therefore, at this stage in my life, I try to just avoid looking.
4. Looking Down the Barrel of a Loaded Gun
Avoid flirtation or suggestive conversation, even in a joking manner.
I have a tendency to flirt with women, and I don't even realize I'm doing it.
I am a naturally gregarious person.
However, my wife has pointed out to me on several occassions what seemed like innocent conversation to me, but what to a woman is perceived as flirting. Sometimes, even just an innocent joke can be perceived as flirtatious. She smiles at you, and you smile back, pleased that you have once again proven your wit and charm.
The problem is, it's not completely innocent.
Considering the fact that at the time I was sturggling with pornography and inappropriate thoughts (more so than I am now) I would have to say that, subconciously, it probably wasn't innocent. I was deceiving myself.
Now we get into the Offensive Hedges
5. Remind yourself and your spouse of your wedding vows constantly.
If you are not married, remind yourself that one day you will be. A sexual addiction/pornographic addiction will NOT end on the day you say your wedding vow. In fact, it will probably increase in ferocity because you are setting yourself up for a fantasy experience, not a real-life sexual experience. Your new bride, while trying very hard to and wanting desperately to, will NOT be able to stand up to the appetite that you have created for yourself.
But just tell your wife constantly that you love her and that you promise once more to be faithful to her "for as long as you both shall live".
Or write little notes that have your vows on them.
Just remind her that you haven't forgotten your vows. In doing this, you will also be constantly reminding yourself of your vows as well.
6. Quality Time Vs. Quantity Time
Spend as much time as possible with your children. This doesn't sound like a Marital Hedge, but in fact, in doing so, you will let your wife have a few hours off and you will be there for your kids whenever something important happens in their lives.
For example, Jerry B. Jenkins had a rule that from the time he got home from work to the time his kids went to bed, he didn't do any writing or office work. As a result, he was there when each of his boy's received Christ as their Savior.
Also, this will provide you with time for you and your wife to date, an essential that is recommended in practically EVERY marriage book, secular and religious.
Obviously there are more hedges that you could plant, different ones, or maybe even less. I found these helpful and plan to put them into effect yesterday.
Whatever hedges you need, do whatever is necessary to build them and protect not only you, but your family (or future family if you are not currently married) as well.
Jesus said it best in Matthew 5: 29-30
"29. And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
30. And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of ty memebers should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell."
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Highway to Hell
In At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry, the author--Steve Gallagher--points out four motives of illicit sex that Solomon mentioned in the Bible.
1. The Forbidden
Proverbs 9:13-18
"A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing.
For she sitteth at the door of her house, on a seat in the high places of the city,
To call passengers who go right on their ways:
Whoso is simple, let him turn in hither: and as for him that wanteth understanding, she saith to him,
Stolen waters are sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant.
But he knoweth not that the dead are there; and that her guests are in the depths of hell."
Too often, we do things simply because we're not supposed to. If you have kids or have been around them for any length of time, you've seen this principle put into action.
If you tell a child, "Don't touch the stove, you'll get burned," 9 out of 10 times, the child will go ahead and touch the stove.
This has been the case since Genesis, with Eve and the Forbidden Fruit.
Our culture today is obessessed with being open-minded about everything. Ironically, the more they break down the "forbidden" barriers, the more drastic and depraved the acts become until they, too, are accepted. it is a spiral that gets steeper and steeper exponentially.
We often see this in criminal behavior as well. The rapist or the murderer perform one tiny forbidden act after another, until the thrill wears off and they have to "up the dosage", ultimately leading to something they would have thought that they would never do.
Casting Crowns says it perfectly in their song, Slow Fade.
"It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It's a slow fade."
2. Ego Fulfillment
Proverbs 6: 24-28
"To keep thee from the evil woman, from the flattery of the tongue of a strange woman.
Lust not after he beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.
For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life.
Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?
Can one go upon hot coals and his feet not be burned?"
People like to be noticed. To be paid attention to. To be desired and needed.
Guys look at pornography or hire prostitutes simply to feel needed or to reinforce their feelings of masculinity.
Females look at pornography or become prostitues/pornographic models to feel desired. They like the feeling of being desired and being the center of attention. However, they don't actually like sex, at least not engaging in the sexual activity they are being paid for.
That is why both pornography and prostitution is so appealing, to both sexes. The females on the screen or on the street corner, however, are simply ACTING.
For a former porn actress' testimony, click here.
3. Rewarding Oneself
Ecclesiastes 2:1, 8-11
"I said in mine heart, Go to now, I will prove thee with mirth, therefore enjoy pleasure: and, behold, this also is vanity.
...
I gathered me also silver and gold, and the peculiar treasure of kings and of the provinces: I gat me men singers and women singers, and the delights of the sons of men, as musical instruments, and that of all sorts.
So I was great, and increased more than all that were before me in Jerusalem: also my wisdom remained with me.
And whatsoever mine eyes desired I kept not from them, I withheld not my heart from any joy; for my heart rejoiced in all my labour: and this was my portion of all my labour.
Then I looked on all the works that my hands had wrought, and on the labour that I had laboured to do: and, behold, all was vanity and vexation of spirit and there was no profit under the sun."
It is a prevalent view in our society that on the weekends, we ought to "cut loose" because "we deserve it."
Although I do agree with the fact that the weekends are a time to relax and have fun, I strongly disagree with the fact that we ought to do so by engaging in sinful acts.
Sin is never a reward.
Sin always takes you further than you want to go and costs you more than you want to pay.
4. Variety
Proverbs 5: 1-5, 20
"My son, attend unto my wisdom, and bow thine ear to my understanding:
That thou mayest regard discretion, and that thy lips may keep knowledge.
For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil:
But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.
Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell.
...
And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?"
"Variety is the spice of life", right? WRONG!
Variety keeps us dissatisfied. After engaging in one illicit act, or even perhaps in the middle of the act itself, we are already wondering about what the next girl will be like, or what the next movie will be like.
Variety is the source of dissatisfaction.
These are just four of the main reasons that people engage in Illicit sexual behavior.
Whatever the reason, each and everyone will lead to destruction.
Each and every one is a Highway to Hell.
1. The Forbidden
Proverbs 9:13-18
"A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing.
For she sitteth at the door of her house, on a seat in the high places of the city,
To call passengers who go right on their ways:
Whoso is simple, let him turn in hither: and as for him that wanteth understanding, she saith to him,
Stolen waters are sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant.
But he knoweth not that the dead are there; and that her guests are in the depths of hell."
Too often, we do things simply because we're not supposed to. If you have kids or have been around them for any length of time, you've seen this principle put into action.
If you tell a child, "Don't touch the stove, you'll get burned," 9 out of 10 times, the child will go ahead and touch the stove.
This has been the case since Genesis, with Eve and the Forbidden Fruit.
Our culture today is obessessed with being open-minded about everything. Ironically, the more they break down the "forbidden" barriers, the more drastic and depraved the acts become until they, too, are accepted. it is a spiral that gets steeper and steeper exponentially.
We often see this in criminal behavior as well. The rapist or the murderer perform one tiny forbidden act after another, until the thrill wears off and they have to "up the dosage", ultimately leading to something they would have thought that they would never do.
Casting Crowns says it perfectly in their song, Slow Fade.
"It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It's a slow fade."
2. Ego Fulfillment
Proverbs 6: 24-28
"To keep thee from the evil woman, from the flattery of the tongue of a strange woman.
Lust not after he beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.
For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life.
Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?
Can one go upon hot coals and his feet not be burned?"
People like to be noticed. To be paid attention to. To be desired and needed.
Guys look at pornography or hire prostitutes simply to feel needed or to reinforce their feelings of masculinity.
Females look at pornography or become prostitues/pornographic models to feel desired. They like the feeling of being desired and being the center of attention. However, they don't actually like sex, at least not engaging in the sexual activity they are being paid for.
That is why both pornography and prostitution is so appealing, to both sexes. The females on the screen or on the street corner, however, are simply ACTING.
For a former porn actress' testimony, click here.
3. Rewarding Oneself
Ecclesiastes 2:1, 8-11
"I said in mine heart, Go to now, I will prove thee with mirth, therefore enjoy pleasure: and, behold, this also is vanity.
...
I gathered me also silver and gold, and the peculiar treasure of kings and of the provinces: I gat me men singers and women singers, and the delights of the sons of men, as musical instruments, and that of all sorts.
So I was great, and increased more than all that were before me in Jerusalem: also my wisdom remained with me.
And whatsoever mine eyes desired I kept not from them, I withheld not my heart from any joy; for my heart rejoiced in all my labour: and this was my portion of all my labour.
Then I looked on all the works that my hands had wrought, and on the labour that I had laboured to do: and, behold, all was vanity and vexation of spirit and there was no profit under the sun."
It is a prevalent view in our society that on the weekends, we ought to "cut loose" because "we deserve it."
Although I do agree with the fact that the weekends are a time to relax and have fun, I strongly disagree with the fact that we ought to do so by engaging in sinful acts.
Sin is never a reward.
Sin always takes you further than you want to go and costs you more than you want to pay.
4. Variety
Proverbs 5: 1-5, 20
"My son, attend unto my wisdom, and bow thine ear to my understanding:
That thou mayest regard discretion, and that thy lips may keep knowledge.
For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil:
But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.
Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell.
...
And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?"
"Variety is the spice of life", right? WRONG!
Variety keeps us dissatisfied. After engaging in one illicit act, or even perhaps in the middle of the act itself, we are already wondering about what the next girl will be like, or what the next movie will be like.
Variety is the source of dissatisfaction.
These are just four of the main reasons that people engage in Illicit sexual behavior.
Whatever the reason, each and everyone will lead to destruction.
Each and every one is a Highway to Hell.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
5 Steps To a Long and Happy Life
Deuteronomy 11:18-25
"18. Therefore shall ye lay up these my words in your heart and in your soul, and bind them for a sign upon your hand, that they may be as frontlets between your eyes.
19. And ye shall reach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.
20. And thou shalt write them upon the door posts of thine house, and upon thy gates:
21. That your days may be multiplied, and the days of your children, in the land which the Lord sware unto your fathers to give them, as the days of heaven upon the earth.
22. For if ye shall diligently keep all these commandments which i command you, to do them, to love the Lord your God,to walk in all his ways, and to cleave unto him;
23. Then will the Lord drive out all these nations from before you, and ye shall possess greater nations and mightier than yourselves.
24. Every place whereon the soles of your feet shall tread shall be yours: from the wilderness and Lebanon, from the river, the river Euphrates, even unto the uttermost sea shall your coast be.
25. There shall no man be able to stand before you: for the Lord your God shall lay the fear of you and the dread of you upon all the land that ye shall tread upon, as he hath said unto you."
First we "Lay up these...words in your heart and in your soul" and we "teach them [our] children" and our days will be multipied, and the days of our children.
Memorizing scripture "that we might not sin against God" (Psalms 119:11) is the first step. We integrate Scripture into our lives to the point where it is part of our life and our family's lives.
If we do this, we'll live longer and so will our kid's will too.
And if we keep the commandments God gives us (Matthew 5:27-30) and love God and "cleave unto him" then he'll conquer all of our battles for us. And we'll be able to conquer "greater nations". Essentially, if we obey God and trust Him and love Him completely, He'll help us overcome our addictions, despite however intimidating they may be.
Verse 25 is especially encouraging.
"There shall no man be able to stand before you: for the Lord your God shall lay the fear of you san dthe dread of you upon all the land that ye shall tread upon, as he hath said unto you."
God will actually make Satan afraid of us as we overcome the weapons he continuously throws at us.
So, how do we overcome our addictions?
Well, first of all, you need to know God. (See the How to Know God page)
Second, pray for His help.
Third, read His Word and strive to do what He says.
Fourth, love God.
Fifth, cleave unto Him.
A simple 5 steps and you can overcome your addiction that has controlled your life for so long.
What will you do?
"18. Therefore shall ye lay up these my words in your heart and in your soul, and bind them for a sign upon your hand, that they may be as frontlets between your eyes.
19. And ye shall reach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.
20. And thou shalt write them upon the door posts of thine house, and upon thy gates:
21. That your days may be multiplied, and the days of your children, in the land which the Lord sware unto your fathers to give them, as the days of heaven upon the earth.
22. For if ye shall diligently keep all these commandments which i command you, to do them, to love the Lord your God,to walk in all his ways, and to cleave unto him;
23. Then will the Lord drive out all these nations from before you, and ye shall possess greater nations and mightier than yourselves.
24. Every place whereon the soles of your feet shall tread shall be yours: from the wilderness and Lebanon, from the river, the river Euphrates, even unto the uttermost sea shall your coast be.
25. There shall no man be able to stand before you: for the Lord your God shall lay the fear of you and the dread of you upon all the land that ye shall tread upon, as he hath said unto you."
First we "Lay up these...words in your heart and in your soul" and we "teach them [our] children" and our days will be multipied, and the days of our children.
Memorizing scripture "that we might not sin against God" (Psalms 119:11) is the first step. We integrate Scripture into our lives to the point where it is part of our life and our family's lives.
If we do this, we'll live longer and so will our kid's will too.
And if we keep the commandments God gives us (Matthew 5:27-30) and love God and "cleave unto him" then he'll conquer all of our battles for us. And we'll be able to conquer "greater nations". Essentially, if we obey God and trust Him and love Him completely, He'll help us overcome our addictions, despite however intimidating they may be.
Verse 25 is especially encouraging.
"There shall no man be able to stand before you: for the Lord your God shall lay the fear of you san dthe dread of you upon all the land that ye shall tread upon, as he hath said unto you."
God will actually make Satan afraid of us as we overcome the weapons he continuously throws at us.
So, how do we overcome our addictions?
Well, first of all, you need to know God. (See the How to Know God page)
Second, pray for His help.
Third, read His Word and strive to do what He says.
Fourth, love God.
Fifth, cleave unto Him.
A simple 5 steps and you can overcome your addiction that has controlled your life for so long.
What will you do?
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Hosea: My Own Personal Love Story
Hosea is one of the minor prophets in the Bible.
Most people have probably never heard of him or read the book that bears his name.
But in this book is one of the most beautiful passages of scripture in the Bible to me.
Hosea was a prophet of God, contemporaries with an old Amos and a young isaiah and Micah. He may have even known Jonah.
God told Hosea to take "a wife of whoredoms"--to marry a prostitute, essentially.
Can you imagine the amount of gossip that this generated? Can you imagine what the headlines would say if Billy Graham married a prostitute? It would be perhaps the biggest church scandal ever!
But Hosea ignored the talk and married Gomer (Hows THAT for a name?) and proceeded to have three children:
1. Jezreel - Retribution
2. Loruhamah - No more mercy
3. Loammi - No longer my people
After at least two and a half years, Gomer returns to a life of prostitution. She leaves behind her children and this honorable man for a life of sin.
So did Hosea just say, "Oh, well, i guess she doesn't love me"?
NO
Even though-by Mosaic law-he had a right to divorce her and have her stoned, Hosea chose to pursue her. He found her in bondage, literally, as a slave and he bought her freedom.
Isn't that just...beautiful?
Hosea is portraying a type of Christ.
This is Christ is His most beautiful form.
He is the Lover, the Groom, always pursuing His bride, despite our sin and our constant abandonment of Him.
We leave behind the lives we've built and the One that has pursued us relentlessly.
He pursued us even when we were in bondage and bought us with the Highest Price.
Even when I had betrayed Him in every way, He loved me and wanted me.
Remember, even though you may be in bondage to pornography or alchohol or drugs or any other sin: God still loves you and He will NEVER stop pursuing you.
So stop running and let Him find you. Let Him change you.
Surrender yourself to Him.
Most people have probably never heard of him or read the book that bears his name.
But in this book is one of the most beautiful passages of scripture in the Bible to me.
Hosea was a prophet of God, contemporaries with an old Amos and a young isaiah and Micah. He may have even known Jonah.
God told Hosea to take "a wife of whoredoms"--to marry a prostitute, essentially.
Can you imagine the amount of gossip that this generated? Can you imagine what the headlines would say if Billy Graham married a prostitute? It would be perhaps the biggest church scandal ever!
But Hosea ignored the talk and married Gomer (Hows THAT for a name?) and proceeded to have three children:
1. Jezreel - Retribution
2. Loruhamah - No more mercy
3. Loammi - No longer my people
After at least two and a half years, Gomer returns to a life of prostitution. She leaves behind her children and this honorable man for a life of sin.
So did Hosea just say, "Oh, well, i guess she doesn't love me"?
NO
Even though-by Mosaic law-he had a right to divorce her and have her stoned, Hosea chose to pursue her. He found her in bondage, literally, as a slave and he bought her freedom.
Isn't that just...beautiful?
Hosea is portraying a type of Christ.
This is Christ is His most beautiful form.
He is the Lover, the Groom, always pursuing His bride, despite our sin and our constant abandonment of Him.
We leave behind the lives we've built and the One that has pursued us relentlessly.
He pursued us even when we were in bondage and bought us with the Highest Price.
Even when I had betrayed Him in every way, He loved me and wanted me.
Remember, even though you may be in bondage to pornography or alchohol or drugs or any other sin: God still loves you and He will NEVER stop pursuing you.
So stop running and let Him find you. Let Him change you.
Surrender yourself to Him.
Monday, March 29, 2010
The Church's Largest Secret
Over half of all men in the church are struggling with pornography.
That is a fact.
The sad part is, I had to figure this out for myself.
I have gone to church nearly all my life and I had never heard anyone talk about pornography. I didn't even know it existed. Until one day, when I was 12...
I felt like I had just walked into this secret hidden world that only I knew existed.
And it all went downhill from there.
It went from a curious interest to a mild fascination and from there is was just a hop and a skip away from obsession and addiction.
But I didn't know that anyone else struggled with this, that-in fact-the problem was far more common than not. I didn't think I had anyone to turn to.
And so I kept it a secret.
The problem with keeping your sins in the dark is that in the darkness is where sin thrives.
I was discouraged, thinking that there was no hope for me. Just a short time later, I found an amazing Christian woman who seemed to maybe kinda like me and we were married.
The issue obviously resurfaced not too long into our lives, ending our newlywed bliss.
At this point, I reached out even further, asking friends and even an older pastor I knew and trusted about it. This pastor listend and promised to help, call, and send materials...each of which never happened.
Why is it so hard to recieve help on this issue?!
I've had to look online, buy books, search the Bible and pray constantly to gain some semblence of control in my life, which usually doesn't last very long.
My wife, after almost two straight years of struggling with this issue, still has not left me and swears that she'll help me overcome this. She is the reason I've gained what little control I have over this issue.
My wife is the sweetest most lovely woman in the world. She has her faults to be sure, but she has remained by my side literally for better or worse--and there's been a whole lot more worse than better. I could not ask for a better helpmeet or person to share my life with. I thank God that He sent her into my life.
So, what help is there for those of us who have noone? Perhaps you're not lucky enough to have a wife like mine. Perhaps pornography has ruined your marriage. Perhaps you've gone everywhere looking for help, going to those you trusted only to be let down and shunned afterwards.
If this is you, there is STILL hope. You are NOT the only one who struggles with this issue.
If you have no one to talk to, I would be more than happy to help. You can email me anytime at themaninthepew@yahoo.com
And, if you need someone to talk to personally, I can either find someone in your area for you to talk to or we can set up a time to talk via phone.
Either way, I would be more than happy to help.
Remember, you are not alone. This is something that every man struggles with.
It is a war. A war for your mind, for you heart, for your marriage.
It's a war for your soul.
That is a fact.
The sad part is, I had to figure this out for myself.
I have gone to church nearly all my life and I had never heard anyone talk about pornography. I didn't even know it existed. Until one day, when I was 12...
I felt like I had just walked into this secret hidden world that only I knew existed.
And it all went downhill from there.
It went from a curious interest to a mild fascination and from there is was just a hop and a skip away from obsession and addiction.
But I didn't know that anyone else struggled with this, that-in fact-the problem was far more common than not. I didn't think I had anyone to turn to.
And so I kept it a secret.
The problem with keeping your sins in the dark is that in the darkness is where sin thrives.
I was discouraged, thinking that there was no hope for me. Just a short time later, I found an amazing Christian woman who seemed to maybe kinda like me and we were married.
The issue obviously resurfaced not too long into our lives, ending our newlywed bliss.
At this point, I reached out even further, asking friends and even an older pastor I knew and trusted about it. This pastor listend and promised to help, call, and send materials...each of which never happened.
Why is it so hard to recieve help on this issue?!
I've had to look online, buy books, search the Bible and pray constantly to gain some semblence of control in my life, which usually doesn't last very long.
My wife, after almost two straight years of struggling with this issue, still has not left me and swears that she'll help me overcome this. She is the reason I've gained what little control I have over this issue.
My wife is the sweetest most lovely woman in the world. She has her faults to be sure, but she has remained by my side literally for better or worse--and there's been a whole lot more worse than better. I could not ask for a better helpmeet or person to share my life with. I thank God that He sent her into my life.
So, what help is there for those of us who have noone? Perhaps you're not lucky enough to have a wife like mine. Perhaps pornography has ruined your marriage. Perhaps you've gone everywhere looking for help, going to those you trusted only to be let down and shunned afterwards.
If this is you, there is STILL hope. You are NOT the only one who struggles with this issue.
If you have no one to talk to, I would be more than happy to help. You can email me anytime at themaninthepew@yahoo.com
And, if you need someone to talk to personally, I can either find someone in your area for you to talk to or we can set up a time to talk via phone.
Either way, I would be more than happy to help.
Remember, you are not alone. This is something that every man struggles with.
It is a war. A war for your mind, for you heart, for your marriage.
It's a war for your soul.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
The Man in the Pew
I am the man in the pew.
We look at each other and smile as we sing loudly - not necessarily well, but loud - and listen intently to the pastor's sermon.
My kids smile and steal the hearts of the nursery workers.
And I struggle with porn.
The Statistics:
"Every second-$3,075.64 is being spent on pornography.
Every second - 28,258 Internet users are viewing pornography.
Every second - 372 Internet users are typing adult search terms into search engines.
Every 39 minutes: a new pornographic video is being created in the United States."
[Family Safe Media
41 percent of surveyed adults admitted they felt less attractive due to their partner's pornography use.
and
30 percent of surveyed adults said their partner's use of pornography made them feel more like a sexual object.
and
42 percent of surveyed adults indicated that their partner's use of pornography made them feel insecure.
Marriage Related Research, Mark A. Yarhouse, Psy.D. Christian Counseling Today, 2004 Vol. 12 No. 1.
...And here comes the shocking news...
For every 10 men in church, 5 are struggling with pornography
The Call to Biblical Manhood. Man in the Mirror, 6 July 2004
{These statistics, including the sources, I copied from www.blazinggrace.org/cms/bg/pornstats}
So, what does this all mean?
Here's the skinny: Porn is a problem in our churches!!!
No one wants to think of the man next to them with a beautiful wife and three teenagers, or the newlyweds or the elderly man who's been married for 30 years, as having a sexual addiction, but the harsh reality is that most of them probably do!
In fact, over 50% of pastors claim that Internet pornography is a possible temptation and 37% say that they are currently struggling with it. (Christianity Today, Leadership Survey, 12/2001) {FROM www.safefamilies.org/sfStats.php}
Well, it just so happens, that I am one of those men!
Yes, I have had an issue with pornography for the last eight years or so (I'm not exactly sure of my age when I first encountered pornography).
Since then, I have married and had two beautiful children. And the problem persists!
I was told that it was normal and that I should just memorize verses to protect my mind when I was tempted.
I couldn't find help anywhere.
Needless to say, I felt alone and lost. So what did I do? I turned back to pornography.
Here's my last statistic: 57% of pastors say that addiction to pornography is the most sexually damaging issue to their congregation (Christians and Sex Leadership Journal Survey, March 2005 {FROM www.safefamilies.org/sfStats.php}
So, this is the question I have to ask myself, because I just don't understand it:
If it's such a major and widespread problem, why doesn't anyone do something about it?
For a man - or anyone for that matter, because there are women who have this problem as well - to approach anyone else and admit their problem and ask for help is--to be perfectly honest--HUMILIATING!!!
Men are creatures of pride and selfishness. For a man to lay aside that pride and selfishness and to ask for help takes a great deal of effort. But when they are summarily rejected, told "Don't worry about it, it's normal." and to then be shunned or worse, treated as if nothing is wrong, is shameful.
Why won't more pastor's approach this subject?
If half of the men - including pastors - in churches are addicted to pornography, why can't they at least get together and talk about the problems they are having? Maybe get some encouragement?
We are soldiers.
If we are all fighting the same battle, then why are we fighting it alone?
- The Man in the Pew
We look at each other and smile as we sing loudly - not necessarily well, but loud - and listen intently to the pastor's sermon.
My kids smile and steal the hearts of the nursery workers.
And I struggle with porn.
The Statistics:
"Every second-$3,075.64 is being spent on pornography.
Every second - 28,258 Internet users are viewing pornography.
Every second - 372 Internet users are typing adult search terms into search engines.
Every 39 minutes: a new pornographic video is being created in the United States."
[Family Safe Media
41 percent of surveyed adults admitted they felt less attractive due to their partner's pornography use.
and
30 percent of surveyed adults said their partner's use of pornography made them feel more like a sexual object.
and
42 percent of surveyed adults indicated that their partner's use of pornography made them feel insecure.
Marriage Related Research, Mark A. Yarhouse, Psy.D. Christian Counseling Today, 2004 Vol. 12 No. 1.
...And here comes the shocking news...
For every 10 men in church, 5 are struggling with pornography
The Call to Biblical Manhood. Man in the Mirror, 6 July 2004
{These statistics, including the sources, I copied from www.blazinggrace.org/cms/bg/pornstats}
So, what does this all mean?
Here's the skinny: Porn is a problem in our churches!!!
No one wants to think of the man next to them with a beautiful wife and three teenagers, or the newlyweds or the elderly man who's been married for 30 years, as having a sexual addiction, but the harsh reality is that most of them probably do!
In fact, over 50% of pastors claim that Internet pornography is a possible temptation and 37% say that they are currently struggling with it. (Christianity Today, Leadership Survey, 12/2001) {FROM www.safefamilies.org/sfStats.php}
Well, it just so happens, that I am one of those men!
Yes, I have had an issue with pornography for the last eight years or so (I'm not exactly sure of my age when I first encountered pornography).
Since then, I have married and had two beautiful children. And the problem persists!
I was told that it was normal and that I should just memorize verses to protect my mind when I was tempted.
I couldn't find help anywhere.
Needless to say, I felt alone and lost. So what did I do? I turned back to pornography.
Here's my last statistic: 57% of pastors say that addiction to pornography is the most sexually damaging issue to their congregation (Christians and Sex Leadership Journal Survey, March 2005 {FROM www.safefamilies.org/sfStats.php}
So, this is the question I have to ask myself, because I just don't understand it:
If it's such a major and widespread problem, why doesn't anyone do something about it?
For a man - or anyone for that matter, because there are women who have this problem as well - to approach anyone else and admit their problem and ask for help is--to be perfectly honest--HUMILIATING!!!
Men are creatures of pride and selfishness. For a man to lay aside that pride and selfishness and to ask for help takes a great deal of effort. But when they are summarily rejected, told "Don't worry about it, it's normal." and to then be shunned or worse, treated as if nothing is wrong, is shameful.
Why won't more pastor's approach this subject?
If half of the men - including pastors - in churches are addicted to pornography, why can't they at least get together and talk about the problems they are having? Maybe get some encouragement?
We are soldiers.
If we are all fighting the same battle, then why are we fighting it alone?
- The Man in the Pew
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